How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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