I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
