He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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