I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
