can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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