i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
