a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need moral support for this bender
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
