theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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