My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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