yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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