Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
