I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
