I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
