I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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