I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
