My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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