Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Randomize
