He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Everyone says I win the strip club
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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