yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
