He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
