he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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