When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
