Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
