Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
