I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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