Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
