Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
