i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
