my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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