It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
