She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
