why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
3pm strippers are depressing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
