I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
