I understand Curling. That high.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
