Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
