Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
