i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
