I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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