my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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