My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
