Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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