mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
