if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
