Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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