I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
