Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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