I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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