At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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