Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
