I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
