Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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