I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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