Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
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Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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