You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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