I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
