From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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