reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
