I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
