Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
