omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Randomize
