god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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