WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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