so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The air was thick with penises
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
