Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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