when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
