are you so shy because you have an std?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
