So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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