WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
