i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
